retweets and romance

Social media. Romance. 2 things a good majority of 20 year olds struggle with.

Welcome passengers.

To ensure a safe ride please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the ride. Hearts must remain on your sleeve and weekend availability has to be open. Any and all personal belongings, such as: purses, cell phones, lucky first date dresses, and the ex that won’t stop leaving you voicemails, must remain at the gate. Now preparing for countdown…

Navigating life as a young adult is hard. And sadly, there’s no warnings on this roller coaster ride. You buckle up and hope that your flip flops don’t fly off before you’re done.

I’m in that weird in-between spot where I meet someone my age and they could be a cool “Tik-Toker” with 50k followers and works an Auntie Anne’s. Or I meet another 20 year old who is a software engineer and pilot’s their families small planes in their free time. Regardless where anyone falls on the “adult” spectrum, one thing is clear: No one know what they’re actually doing.

Especially when it comes to modern day dating and romance.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Oh great. Another kid whining about their love life. Yippee." But, what if, I had a good reason to whine and cry about it?

See life nowadays is only lived through a screen. You have to Snapchat every errand you run, Tweet every TMI thought you've had, and God forbid you don't post every time you see your friends on Instagram. A saying that seems almost as old as time now— "Pics or it didn't happen."

This way of living not only affects self esteem and mental health, but also the quality of our relationships with people. Didn't comment on your new post? Unfriended. Didn't tag you so you could gain followers? Blocked. Didn't retweet your 18-Tweet-long thread about your experience at the Cheesecake Factory? Don't even get me started on those consequences.

But how does this affect romance? Easy answer: A lot. But unfortunately nothing in this day and age is ever dubbed easy anymore. Well, maybe some things. So let's run through a typical modern "romance" shall we?

Picture this. You're laying on the couch. In a T-shirt you've been wearing all weekend and chip crumbs covering your lap. You get a notification. 'Hmm. An Instagram DM? This late?' It's only 9pm. "Hey." You're confused. Who is this guy? Before responding you click through his account. A couple posts, a couple highlights, good follower to following ratio, and cute. Hastily, you type back "Hi." Now you're reeled in. You check his comments on his posts. His tagged pictures. His hashtag following. Before you know it you're looking at his 2nd aunts summer home in Cancun and imagining your honeymoon there. You get snapped back to reality when another notification comes in. Carefully returning to the conversation, that's when you see it. The bane of all blossoming relationships existence'. A like react to your message.

You spend all night glancing at your phone whenever you're not aimlessly scrolling thru it. The chip crumbs have doubled now and suddenly the 90-Day-Fiancé on the tv has become background noise. You contemplate your next move before you go to sleep. Maybe like his post? Maybe post something myself so he can see? Share an obvious quote on your story so he knows it's about him? You decide to do what all tired 20 year olds do. Nothing. You just close your eyes and go to sleep. You didn't even like how your name sounded with his last anyways..

Now here is the crazy thing. And yes, you can get crazier than that. My generation is so strong spoken about love and the value and importance of our actions and taking accountability in things. Yet, why don't we hold those standards for ourselves?

I mean we're the generation that protests out of love. We "cancel" out of love. We do all these great big things out of love. Because we love people. We love the cause. We love drama. We care, we fight, we research, we unify, we do everything because of love and care.

So how is it that we don't practice what we preach? Where is the real love between us? Why is it all a show for social media? Why can't we just truly love each other without the sake of likes.

And for my older readers: it's rough out here. There's no flowers on the first date. No riding bikes just to meet up. No meeting the parents. No men opening the ladies door. Hell, you can't even put on a sweet romantic country song without being bombarded to turn on something 'better.' You win this time Lil Uzi...

Now don't get me wrong, I love my generations uniqueness. Like you had cassette tapes and bell bottoms, we have Tik Tok and selfies. I'd be a hypocrite if I sat here and bashed these things entirely because I participate in them too.

But am I wrong for wanting more? A real connection? Genuine romance beyond the screen? A lot of people say "you'll find the one don't worry!" Some days, I don't even want to.

I'm young. I'm not thinking about marriage or children or taking on a mortgage together. But as time goes by, and social media rules more and more each day, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't giving up hope. I don't want a white picket fence and a baby in the carriage by the time I'm 23. But a real date with flowers? That's what I dream of.

I know, I know. Bare minimum. But that's what my generation lacks— the bare minimum. We do these big extravagant things and have proven the power in our numbers, yet we lack some of the most simple and basic points of common courtesy. We get so consumed with extravagance and outdoing one another, that the simple sweet gestures get lost along the way. Maybe intentionally at times. It wouldn't be a stretch to call my generation cold hearted.

Maybe I'm an old soul.

Maybe I'm just another whiny 20 year old contributing to the problem.

Maybe I should just check if he responded just one more ti—

My task for you is this: Let's be meaningful again. Let's have our actions hold value. Let's say what we mean. Let's tell people we love them. Let's do things not for likes or views, but to experience life. Let's not keep listening to our ex's voicemails. Let's be kind.

Do things with intention, not expectation for an outcome. Do things out of love, not to receive gratification. Do things without expecting anything in return.

I'd like to thank my Dad for introducing me to this site, and sparking my imagination to write this ramble on a whim at midnight. I'd like to thank any readers who have come this far as well.